Child locks and my language
The air is turning blue in our house.
The pair of us are walking around the kitchen, red-faced and grimacing as, with mouths like sailors, we are screaming bloody murder at the cupboards that simply won’t open.
As child locks go these things do the business, though I can’t help but think we are suffering a bit from overkill – like exterminating a few cockroaches with a 12-gauge shotgun.
For the preparation of a little person moving in, we are taking extra care to ensure our house is safe, and with these child locks, we have not fallen short.
They are, as you can guess, very difficult to manage. We opted for the magnetic locks that require a magnet ‘key’ to be placed on the cupboard door against a reverse magnet that has been drilled into the inside of the door, so when they meet, the catch will release and the door opens.
Our problem is remembering where the opposing magnet has been placed in the door.
It is now common place for me to wander into the kitchen only to find my wife weeping at the cupboard muttering a number of new obscenities and slowly dragging the magnet key over the cupboard door like she is trying to crack a safe.
Ironically enough, I am starting to feel like we should place our valuables within one of these cupboards instead of the safe – the day is fast approaching where I will hire a demolitions expert to get one of these doors open, either that, or you will find me curled into a ball in the corner of our kitchen, weary and defeated.
It is all for a good cause however, if we as adults can’t get in to the cupboards without the aid of heavy armament, we ought to be safe with a pre-schooler.
It has got me thinking though.
What is our child learning by our overzealous protection of kitchen ware? Will it help them realise the rights and wrongs of life, or will the mystery stimulate their curiosity ever further? Should we simply rely on the time old tradition of the word ‘no’?
I don’t know the answer; in time we will see. This will be a lesson for all involved, not just our child, but one thing is for sure…
At least my crate of ale is safe.
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About the Author: Andrew McDougall
Andrew is an adoptive father, and stay at home dad. Having adopted his son in January 2013, he is a new adoptive parent, but well versed in the adoption process. He is a married, coffee drinker, Xbox addict, and a graduate of Marketing. Andrew McDougall is an alias he uses to protect the identity of his adopted son. 
Hello! New follower here! I must say I have been completely fascinated to read a blog by a guy on infertility and adoption in the UK! You’re a great writer and this post had me giggling away at my desk in work – oops!
Wow! Thanks very much, glad you like it. I am going to try and get a glass of water now, so have to mentally prepare for the battle with the cupboard door!
I went for the tactic of putting a baby gate on the kitchen door. Although my friend put a baby lock on her fridge and it took her 22 month old toddler half and hour to break in.
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I couldn’t help but giggle at your description of the frustrations of opening a childproofed cupboard. ha ha ha ha.
We have 14month old twins and let me tell you, it doesn’t matter how consistent and firm you are “no” seldom actually works. My boys will look up at me saying no, smile, and continue to do the very thing that they aren’t supposed to do in slow (and very deliberate) motion.
Hoping you are all settling in well. looking forward to reading more on your adventures.
Thanks very much. It is all new to us still but we can tell he likes his mischief, it has been a wonderful start to parenthood though, and we can ask for nothing more.