As the child’s social worker broke the news over the phone, my mind suddenly went cloudy. Four years of waiting, four years of preparing; practising, finally came to an end.
My wife was madly gesturing towards me to relay the news, and all I could muster was a thumbs up.
We had been matched. The social worker had told me she had chosen us to be the parents of the child we were growing fonder of by the minute.
As the social worker explained her decision, my ability to listen faded in a manner akin to a man watching the FA Cup final whilst his wife issued instructions that were clearly falling on deaf ears.
I wanted to listen to the social worker, I really did, but the relief overwhelmed me, and my ability to hold myself together disappeared.
It was the feeling I had when I proposed to my wife; the impregnable sense that we were on top of the world, and albeit briefly – untouchable.
Upon putting the phone down, my wife probed me for the details of discussion, once again exposing the gaping chasm between man and woman, and my ability to retain important information.
I can’t really remember
Useless I know.
What the fu….!
Incredulous at my lack of attention to something that was clearly, in terms of importance, realms above anything else in our life, she continued to ask questions that seconds before I knew the answers to, but now in my hypnotic trance, could not fathom an answer anywhere close to accurate.
Even now I can’t remember what we did next, I was still off work, so I think I just started to walk, a thousand yard stare fell before my mindless pacing, but I did remember I had to come clean with a few people.
In the build up to this, I had been disciplined enough not to tell those close to us about what we were going through, but that resulted in telling a few porkies – now I could ‘fess up, and first on my list were my parents.
Mum, I have a confession to make…
When I told you we had no plans for my birthday, I was lying, but for good reason.
The silence was deafening…
Mum… I am going to become a Daddy…
Silence no more…
So it was a day after my birthday, my wife and I received the greatest gift a childless couple could ask for. We were matched with a child, and our dreams were becoming reality.
There was still a great deal to be done though.