Parental responsibility and the adoption process
The UK adoption process is a mysterious beast. Throw in a trip to A and E and the question of parental responsibility hits home.
As the nurse cleaned up our poor boy’s head after his accident, we were relieved to hear it was just a graze, and no permanent damage had been done. Heads bleed quite profusely, and so it probably looked worse than it was.
Earlier that evening however, we were not so reassured.
With the adoption process being so long and arduous, playing with our son felt like someone had finally cut our tether, and like hungry jackals finding a fresh carcass, we became even more excited than him when he starts enjoying a new toy. He bounced vigorously on his new space hopper, like children, we cheered and clapped with encouragement.
As his little brain flooded to process the information it was receiving, its already poor sense of danger switched off completely.
With an almighty shift in balance his head was thrust towards the broadband socket, and met it with an almighty crack.
Now our responsibility as parents, as we understand it, is not to overreact, but this time we knew it was serious, both of us flew off our chairs, as his tears instantly streamed down his cheeks.
My wife, being the caring mother, won the race to get to him, swept him up, and cradled him, only to experience the horror of pulling her hand back and seeing it crimson with our son’s blood.
Panic set in, and though the health of our child was a priority, a second thought hastily entered our heads – that of parental responsibility.
Within the UK, the adoption process dictates that once a child is placed for adoption, parental responsibility lies with three parties. Ourselves as the child’s carers, but also with the authority from which he was in care, and also, strangely, the birth parents.
As soon as we realised we had to go to A and E, this question of parental responsibility arose and smacked us in the face. What do we do?
The child is in our care, and we must do what is right for him, so we quickly assessed the damage, and even though he was now starting to laugh, there was what looked like a sizeable and bloody hole in his head.
With adoption, the process continues for a long time, even after placement, so we knew we had to contact the child’s social worker, but, because parental responsibility is still shared, we felt the need to err on the side of caution; we didn’t want to be the neglectful party who failed to look after our child, so we decided to take him to A and E.
It sounds self-seeking I know, but it is all part of the process we are undertaking. Whilst he is in our care but not legally ours, we have to accept we are only one of three parties responsible for him – like winning an Olympic gold medal, but the guy presenting it to you, hasn’t removed his hands yet.
Not yet.
Related posts:
What exactly do we do with ourselves after the adoption preparation groups? ...
I am a believer in equality, though I am not exactly the UKs premier aficion...
One thing that most parents get to do is decorate the room of their child. F...
About the Author: Andrew McDougall
Andrew is an adoptive father, and stay at home dad. Having adopted his son in January 2013, he is a new adoptive parent, but well versed in the adoption process. He is a married, coffee drinker, Xbox addict, and a graduate of Marketing. Andrew McDougall is an alias he uses to protect the identity of his adopted son. Comments (5)
Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed
Sites That Link to this Post
- Adoptive parents are normal parents? | | February 14, 2013
In the early days we had a few trips to A&E, mostly for bumps to the head.
It used to fill me with dread, and then of course they say to you ‘Just a formality, we have to ask I’m afraid, do you have a social worker?’
Then the looks of surprise come when you reveal, that yes, you do…and you see the cogs of judgement turning in their heads..
Thankfully none of our trips were too serious, and it sound like yours wasn’t either. x
Vicki recently posted..Intrusive?
Ha yes, I actually enjoy talking about the fact that we have a social worker. Perhaps an inappropriate joy I get from making others uncomfortable!? The wee lad is fine, we probably didn’t need to go, but we tyhought we should, and he got a free teddy!
Glad he’s ok. And at this stage, with their hands still on the medal (as it were), it’s probably best to err on the side of caution.
Considerer recently posted..What the actual…*facepalm*
we first took custody of our son 2 years ago (Thailand) the afternoon before our flight home he was running around like a crazy thing with a biscuit in his mouth in our solid floor hotel room, he subsequently fell putting his top teeth through his bottom lip, a few terrifyng things came to mind, eeeek I have broken him already, eeeek what if the thai hospital wonder who these two white people are and will they take him off us, and finalyl the most terrifying was why wasnt he crying! Scary first time parent horrors, hospital was great and the main nurse just laughed and gave me a hug and told me I would have to get used to the fact this is normal being a mummy to a son, as far as the not crying at pain well this was a bit more work, he had learnt that there wasnt a response to his cries so why bother, so we soon corrected that, and after a lot lot lot of work helping him attach he now cries at the smallest tumble and comes running for a cuddle and kiss to fix his ouchies.