The adoptive family and cabin fever
It is a strange one. The day your child moves in, is a day of enormous consequence. Whatever daydreams have been occupying your mind over the last few months and years can finally turn to reality. As an adoptive family however, we had the paradox of the first few weeks kick in, and all of us seemed to develop cabin fever.
Adoptive families are like all other families, but with bolt-ons; rules and conditions that are laid down to ensure the child’s welfare is top of the list.
I understand it, and completely agree that measures have to be taken to ensure the child is looked after and that his attachment and bonding to you as adoptive parents is the highest priority – but that doesn’t mean it isn’t frustrating.
To us, a child moving in is the answer to our prayers, and the realisation of our dreams. To the child, it is just another move; another time for good byes, another change, and a different life. The last thing the child needs is to be exhibited like a circus act.
The adoptive family routine
Stability and routine are key factors in the child forming attachments. As much as the latent urge to venture outside consumes you, the first few weeks must be all about discipline.
I was personally in two minds about this. Firstly, all I wanted to do was to spend the time with my new son, and to shield him from the outside world. I didn’t want to share his time with anyone except my wife, let alone venture down to somewhere … erghhh public.
On the other hand, the time I have spent waiting for this magical period in my life to begin, was spent daydreaming and fantasising about what I could do. Ever since the phone call my wife and I have had fabulous ideas of how to share our time with him.
As frequent guests of Center Parcs, my imagination has been running wild about taking the boy there and unleashing him into the boundless fun. I can’t wait either, to go camping and find the fly sheet to be ever so slightly useless, as the boy and I cower in the last dry corner for the night.
Several weeks have gone by now, and whilst his attachment to us is evidently progressing, the itch to get ‘in amongst it’ is growing each day. Not just with ourselves, but with our son as well.
If we are not careful, his first two syllable word is likely to be a profanity if we don’t let him out of the buggy more often – mesmerised as he is with the beauty, if not simplicity, of our village.
With that sentiment, last week we took a gamble, and ferried the boy down to the local leisure centre for what quickly became our ‘day of firsts’ – his first swimming experience, followed by his first birthday party.
As our adoptive family grows in strength, so does the boys horizon of fun…
Surely he is ready for this?
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About the Author: Andrew McDougall
Andrew is an adoptive father, and stay at home dad. Having adopted his son in January 2013, he is a new adoptive parent, but well versed in the adoption process. He is a married, coffee drinker, Xbox addict, and a graduate of Marketing. Andrew McDougall is an alias he uses to protect the identity of his adopted son. 
love it – you know him and take things at your pace. For us we take things slowly and surround them with the familiar like a security blanket – familiar, new, familiar. this seems to help us with the knock on effect of coping with change and constance.
new pyjama mummy recently posted..Daring with the New
I like the idea of ‘sandwiching’ something new with familiar things. I am as I type looking at things to do this afternoon, including a church run thing, but it is right in the middle of his nap time – is that me making excuses????
theonehandman recently posted..The adoptive family and cabin fever
Thanks for linking this up with the Weekly Adoption Shout Out.
I love that you have hopes and dreams of Centre Parcs and camping with your boy (we’re just deciding where to go on our first camping holiday with the kids). I remember sharing such hopes with our SW during HS, and she stopped me in my tracks by saying ‘What if he doesn’t want to do those things’. Grr.
Well, we still have our hopes and dreams and have new ones too, especially now Mini is developing his own interests. Keep yours too and enjoy spending time out and about showing off your new family…you’ll know when you and he are ready x
Vicki recently posted..Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO Week 5
Thanks for the comment, we will maintain our hopes with him, quite frankly we couldn’t have imagined it going better, but I am wary of being complacent. Well done on the WASO, it is going great guns
theonehandman recently posted..The adoptive family and cabin fever
Day three I had CHT out in the boat. Its a big part of my life and it felt right, as you say ‘sandwiched’ in between routine. Repetition and a small map to navigate within and familiarise with is defitiely key in the first phase, but i think its up to you to interpret what is in, and what must wait. CHT. Loved the new experience of the boat, and when we came home, it almost seemed like it cemented ‘ normal ‘ a little more by having stepped out of it. Only you can tell. Weigh up the problems of your cabin fever against the risk of maybe pushing too far! Great post. This is a concern for so many, so you aren’t alone. Love your blog.
Thanks for the comment – we are venturing out more, and it doesn’t seem to phase him, so fingers crossed it will continue okay.
theonehandman recently posted..The adoptive family and cabin fever
I remember we were so careful, told everyone not to call in unexpectedly. After about two weeks a friend dropped by, Friday evening we’d not seen hardly anyone so we tentatively let him in. My husband offered him a beer. Next thing the doorbell went, friend shouted “I’ll get it” Beer in hand he answered door to the social worker.!!
Keep the routine but start a little exploring so as to not send yourselves mad.
Thanks for linking up with The Weekly Adoption Shout Out.
Thanks for the comment. We are plodding along okay, and the little man seems to keep pace, so all good so far.
theonehandman recently posted..A day of firsts: The positive parenting gamble